Picked up other half from Stanstead. Parking spaces are too small and I scraped the car in the next bay when pulling in. Had a microfibre cloth in the car and rubbed off all the paint from my car now on theirs. It was an Audi so feel no remorse at all.

Just drank water from the cats bowl because I couldn't be arsed get a glass out the cupboard.

As teenagers I said to my a girl in my room "I don't like people wearing outside clothes sitting on my bed". She then stripped naked. Together 16 years now. I have no idea how the fuck I did it.

Was getting a new washing machine delivered so let the robot vacuum clean the empty spot where it would live. Now there's a permanent bit of the kitchen on his map that he can't access and it makes me feel a bit sad.

Thursday night is pizza night. I'd run out of pineapple chunks so I cubed a red apple instead. It's to go with ham, after all. Wife and kids really liked it. Apparently, we have to use apples instead of pineapple chunks from now on.

One time I collected money for a homeless charity in my workplace. It wasn't my intention to keep it but I had an enormous coke bill with my dealer that wasn't going anywhere. I drafted up a fake thank you letter from the charity. For months I was terrified I would get caught.

I recently cleaned my toaster which I've had for two years. The crumb tray was over-flowing which gave me a brain wave. I used the crumbs to bread a chicken breast. Delish.

Got my kids playing Rimworld. Son has made a peaceful colony taming as many animals as possible. Daughter has made some kind of murder cult colony that deals in human leather furniture and clothing, laughs her head off as she plays. Not telling the wife.

My boss has fully bought into the AI hype, presented a Board paper detailing hundreds of employees we can get rid of. There's no AI that can do what he has told them so as the head of IT charged with delivering it, I'm fucking off to a better paid job before it goes tits up here.

When someone sits next to me at the train station, bus stop, or park bench, I just stare straight ahead and say "it's done. Did you bring the money?" They usually freeze before apologising and making an excuse to leave.

Management told me to install monitoring software on all laptops. Except for the laptops they used. Installed it on their laptops anyway. Can confirm that management do fuck all compared to your average employee.

I'm 45 and test video games for work - pays pretty well and I work from home. I have a linkedin page for friends and family saying i'm a management consultant for a large global firm. It's just easier this way and makes it look like I use my degree.

I hate dresses and the idea of wearing a white wedding dress and then binning it struck me as horribly wasteful. Husband and I agreed to get married in jeans and t-shirts. Turns out, you can get tailored jeans for much less than a ghastly dress. Worn then for six years so far.

I really need to spend less time on my hobby of book buying and start to read some once in a while.

My new neighbours vile racists. I have hung a wind chime from the eaves on the side on my house next to their living room and bedrooms. I can't hear it, no windows there, but they sure as hell can.

I always say my wedding day was the happiest day of my life, but it wasn't. It was the day I had been tailgated for miles and miles on a country road, then before turning left I let no fewer than THREE tractors join in front of me before exiting. Fuck you, white Kia Niro.

Many years ago I went to Burning Man where I was gifted a plastic cup with the words "Little Crack Whore" on the side. My two year old daughter recently found it and now refuses to use any other cup.

IT gave everyone a deadline to reduce their personal drive storage before moving to a new system. My bully of a boss told me to move all his stuff to the group drive - found his porn stash - yep I transferred the lot - he had some questions to answer.

As an Irish man living in England, I've loved seeing the roundabouts near me painted with a George's cross. It gives me a few seconds of pure joy driving straight over the top of it.

I move all religious texts in libraries and bookshops to the fiction section. My local has started to put up signs against it. I feel like a rebel