A Christmas Carol

Everything, everywhere, all at once. You’ll thank me later.

~Except for the hotdog fingers; unless you’re into that sort of thing.~

Another Christmas Carol-themed screenshot while we’re at it.

I hated that movie, sorry.

Ensign Picard never forgot that moment

Whoa, I never thought about that before.

From alternate-Picard’s perspective, he’s just living his life, doing his thing on the flagship under Captain Halloway, completely content with his own life as an assistant astrophysics officer, not making any waves. He burned the bridges with Marta, but maybe he found someone else and had a happy relationship. Perhaps they even had kids. Since Robert thinks he “finally got his head on straight” after Starfleet Academy, he and his brother enjoy a far warmer relationship, and he’s active in Rene’s life from an early age. His timeline is comfortable and lacks ambition for much else. He’s just happy that he gets to explore the stars.

Sometimes he thinks about that weird weekend back right after the Academy when a bunch of memories of the future suddenly crowded into his brain and he felt like he wasn’t in charge of his own body anymore, even though he still kind of was. And was there some old guy in bed with him who called him “Pickerd?” Weird. But then the extra memories left his brain, and he went back to normal–maybe with a little bit more wisdom and tact. He chalks it up to a strange manic episode, but he was examined by a psychologist and they told him nothing was wrong.

Then suddenly, one day, the memories crowd back into his brain again, but this time instead of feeling like memories of the future, they feel like a bizarre, edited version of the past. And it brings with it this strange discontentment that he hasn’t felt in decades. He finds himself going toward the bridge instead of toward engineering, certain that that’s where he belongs; there, his superior officers ask him what’s wrong, and he finds that he’s not in control again, and feels this strange discontentment: I’m supposed to be in charge of the Enterprise, not Halloway!

That Q person is in Dr. Crusher’s chair when he goes to get checked, looking ridiculous and spouting off nonsense; though no one else seems to notice. Something about having a…real heart? What else would he have? He remembers being stabbed by a Nausicaan, but he also simultaneously remembers Corey’s look of disgust as he walked away that night. What is going on?

This isn’t a life worth living, he thinks to himself. But I enjoy my life! It’s calm and comfortable. How is that a bad thing? I have to talk to Riker about a promotion. A promotion? That’s ridiculous! I’d never get back to Earth often enough to be present in the kids’ lives if I was the head of Astrophysics! Head of astrophysics?! No, I’m supposed to be the captain of the ship!

And then he’s in front of Riker and Troi, asking them for something he doesn’t really want; and part of him is abashed to discover that he doesn’t take risks, while the more familiar part of him is gratified to know that the First Officer of the Flagship knows that he’s a reliable officer!

Then he walks toward the turbolift, and again is startled by his own thoughts, some of which he hears himself saying aloud as he rides the car toward engineering. I have to get out of here. Out of what? This is my ship, my life, my job-- No. This is wrong. Q is playing with me. I’m sure he thinks this is simply hilarious, reducing me to this bland tedium. Tedium?! I’ve seen some of the most beautiful and rapturous things on this mission; astrophysical phenomena that would fill tomes, new worlds and civilizations, why just last month I helped discover a brand new synthetic life form! But this is wrong. I should be so much more! If this is what I am to be reduced to, I would rather be dead!

But before he can answer himself, the turbolift door opens once more, and for a brief instant he thinks he sees a white void on the other side and that Q character again; but then the intrusive memories and thoughts all leave his brain, and he finds that it’s only main engineering on the other side of the door.

“Everything ok, JL?” Geordi asks, looking up at him from his station. “I expected you here an hour ago. It’s not like you to be late.”

Picard pauses, considering the question. “Fine, Lieutenant, thank you,” he replies. “I apologize for my tardiness. My mind has been…occupied.” He chuckles to himself at his own little pun. “But I believe that it has cleared.”

“If you need to get checked out, I can handle these calculations for a bit.”

“No, thank you, sir. I’m fine.”

For the rest of his life he regularly wonders at those two episodes, manic days, decades apart, and at his intrusive thoughts of a life that isn’t enough. As you noted, he never forgets that moment where he found his mind insisting to himself, indignantly, that he would rather be dead than live this life. Each time he remembers it, his certainty and contentment with his life is further cemented.

But the episodes never again recur, and he lives happily ever after.

Holy word explosion, Batman! Sorry about that. Yikes.

Whoa, I never thought about that before.

From alternate-Picard’s perspective, he’s just living his life, doing his thing on the flagship under Captain Halloway, completely content with his own life as an assistant astrophysics officer, not making any waves. He burned the bridges with Marta, but maybe he found someone else and had a happy relationship. Perhaps they even had kids. Since Robert thinks he “finally got his head on straight” after Starfleet Academy, he and his brother enjoy a far warmer relationship, and he’s active in Rene’s life from an early age. His timeline is comfortable and lacks ambition for much else. He’s just happy that he gets to explore the stars.

Sometimes he thinks about that weird weekend back right after the Academy when a bunch of memories of the future suddenly crowded into his brain and he felt like he wasn’t in charge of his own body anymore, even though he still kind of was. And was there some old guy in bed with him who called him “Pickerd?” Weird. But then the extra memories left his brain, and he went back to normal–maybe with a little bit more wisdom and tact. He chalks it up to a strange manic episode, but he was examined by a psychologist and they told him nothing was wrong.

Then suddenly, one day, the memories crowd back into his brain again, but this time instead of feeling like memories of the future, they feel like a bizarre, edited version of the past. And it brings with it this strange discontentment that he hasn’t felt in decades. He finds himself going toward the bridge instead of toward engineering, certain that that’s where he belongs; there, his superior officers ask him what’s wrong, and he finds that he’s not in control again, and feels this strange discontentment: I’m supposed to be in charge of the Enterprise, not Halloway!

That Q person is in Dr. Crusher’s chair when he goes to get checked, looking ridiculous and spouting off nonsense; though no one else seems to notice. Something about having a…real heart? What else would he have? He remembers being stabbed by a Nausicaan, but he also simultaneously remembers Corey’s look of disgust as he walked away that night. What is going on?

This isn’t a life worth living, he thinks to himself. But I enjoy my life! It’s calm and comfortable. How is that a bad thing? I have to talk to Riker about a promotion. A promotion? That’s ridiculous! I’d never get back to Earth often enough to be present in the kids’ lives if I was the head of Astrophysics! Head of astrophysics?! No, I’m supposed to be the captain of the ship!

And then he’s in front of Riker and Troi, asking them for something he doesn’t really want; and part of him is abashed to discover that he doesn’t take risks, while the more familiar part of him is gratified to know that the First Officer of the Flagship knows that he’s a reliable officer!

Then he walks toward the turbolift, and again is startled by his own thoughts, some of which he hears himself saying aloud as he rides the car toward engineering. I have to get out of here. Out of what? This is my ship, my life, my job-- No. This is wrong. Q is playing with me. I’m sure he thinks this is simply hilarious, reducing me to this bland tedium. Tedium?! I’ve seen some of the most beautiful and rapturous things on this mission; astrophysical phenomena that would fill tomes, new worlds and civilizations, why just last month I helped discover a brand new synthetic life form! But this is wrong. I should be so much more! If this is what I am to be reduced to, I would rather be dead!

But before he can answer himself, the turbolift door opens once more, and for a brief instant he thinks he sees a white void on the other side and that Q character again; but then the intrusive memories and thoughts all leave his brain, and he finds that it’s only main engineering on the other side of the door.

“Everything ok, JL?” Geordi asks, looking up at him from his station. “I expected you here an hour ago. It’s not like you to be late.”

Picard pauses, considering the question. “Fine, Lieutenant, thank you,” he replies. “I apologize for my tardiness. My mind has been…occupied.” He chuckles to himself at his own little pun. “But I believe that it has cleared.”

“If you need to get checked out, I can handle these calculations for a bit.”

“No, thank you, sir. I’m fine.”

For the rest of his life he regularly wonders at those two episodes, manic days, decades apart, and at his intrusive thoughts of a life that isn’t enough. As you noted, he never forgets that moment where he found his mind insisting to himself, indignantly, that he would rather be dead than live this life. Each time he remembers it, his certainty and contentment with his life is further cemented.

But the episodes never again recur, and he lives happily ever after.

I hated that movie, sorry.

Whoa, I never thought about that before.

From alternate-Picard’s perspective, he’s just living his life, doing his thing on the flagship under Captain Halloway, completely content with his own life as an assistant astrophysics officer, not making any waves. He burned the bridges with Marta, but maybe he found someone else and had a happy relationship. Perhaps they even had kids. Since Robert thinks he “finally got his head on straight” after Starfleet Academy, he and his brother enjoy a far warmer relationship, and he’s active in Rene’s life from an early age. His timeline is comfortable and lacks ambition for much else. He’s just happy that he gets to explore the stars.

Sometimes he thinks about that weird weekend back right after the Academy when a bunch of memories of the future suddenly crowded into his brain and he felt like he wasn’t in charge of his own body anymore, even though he still kind of was. And was there some old guy in bed with him who called him “Pickerd?” Weird. But then the extra memories left his brain, and he went back to normal–maybe with a little bit more wisdom and tact. He chalks it up to a strange manic episode, but he was examined by a psychologist and they told him nothing was wrong.

Then suddenly, one day, the memories crowd back into his brain again, but this time instead of feeling like memories of the future, they feel like a bizarre, edited version of the past. And it brings with it this strange discontentment that he hasn’t felt in decades. He finds himself going toward the bridge instead of toward engineering, certain that that’s where he belongs; there, his superior officers ask him what’s wrong, and he finds that he’s not in control again, and feels this strange discontentment: I’m supposed to be in charge of the Enterprise, not Halloway!

That Q person is in Dr. Crusher’s chair when he goes to get checked, looking ridiculous and spouting off nonsense; though no one else seems to notice. Something about having a…real heart? What else would he have? He remembers being stabbed by a Nausicaan, but he also simultaneously remembers Corey’s look of disgust as he walked away that night. What is going on?

This isn’t a life worth living, he thinks to himself. But I enjoy my life! It’s calm and comfortable. How is that a bad thing? I have to talk to Riker about a promotion. A promotion? That’s ridiculous! I’d never get back to Earth often enough to be present in the kids’ lives if I was the head of Astrophysics! Head of astrophysics?! No, I’m supposed to be the captain of the ship!

And then he’s in front of Riker and Troi, asking them for something he doesn’t really want; and part of him is abashed to discover that he doesn’t take risks, while the more familiar part of him is gratified to know that the First Officer of the Flagship knows that he’s a reliable officer!

Then he walks toward the turbolift, and again is startled by his own thoughts, some of which he hears himself saying aloud as he rides the car toward engineering. I have to get out of here. Out of what? This is my ship, my life, my job-- No. This is wrong. Q is playing with me. I’m sure he thinks this is simply hilarious, reducing me to this bland tedium. Tedium?! I’ve seen some of the most beautiful and rapturous things on this mission; astrophysical phenomena that would fill tomes, new worlds and civilizations, why just last month I helped discover a brand new synthetic life form! But this is wrong. I should be so much more! If this is what I am to be reduced to, I would rather be dead!

But before he can answer himself, the turbolift door opens once more, and for a brief instant he thinks he sees a white void on the other side and that Q character again; but then the intrusive memories and thoughts all leave his brain, and he finds that it’s only main engineering on the other side of the door.

“Everything ok, JL?” Geordi asks, looking up at him from his station. “I expected you here an hour ago. It’s not like you to be late.”

Picard pauses, considering the question. “Fine, Lieutenant, thank you,” he replies. “I apologize for my tardiness. My mind has been…occupied.” He chuckles to himself at his own little pun. “But I believe that it has cleared.”

“If you need to get checked out, I can handle these calculations for a bit.”

“No, thank you, sir. I’m fine.”

For the rest of his life he regularly wonders at those two episodes, manic days, decades apart, and at his intrusive thoughts of a life that isn’t enough. As you noted, he never forgets that moment where he found his mind insisting to himself, indignantly, that he would rather be dead than live this life. Each time he remembers it, his certainty and contentment with his life is further cemented.

But the episodes never again recur, and he lives happily ever after.

Everything, everywhere, all at once. You’ll thank me later.

~Except for the hotdog fingers; unless you’re into that sort of thing.~

I loved that movie, but I watched it before it got recognized and it was a great gem.

Watched it after with the hype in mind and having it on a pedestal and I thought, yeah I can see why some might not like it, it only works as a quirky movie.

Another Christmas Carol-themed screenshot while we’re at it.